Guidelines for 帮助别人

联想的力量可能是件危险的事情. (A friend once told me, “我甚至没有想家的念头, 有那么多新事物在发生, 直到我妈妈在第一个周末打电话问我:“你想家吗??' Then it hit me.)

开学的前几天/几周是充满了各种活动和朋友的, 和 the challenge of meeting new people 和 adjusting to new situations takes a majority of a freshman's time 和 concentration. So, 除非他们被善意的父母提醒, 他们可能会逃离乡愁带来的孤独和沮丧. 而且，即使他们在最初的几周没有告诉你，他们也会想念你.

Although freshmen are typically eager to experience all the away-from-home independence they can in those first weeks, 大多数人仍然渴望家庭纽带和这种纽带带来的安全感. 敏感的父母可能会把这种独立的浪潮误解为拒绝, 但 I'd bet that most freshmen (although 99% won't ever admit it) would give anything for some news of home 和 family, however mundane it may seem to you. 没有什么比一个星期的空邮箱更令人沮丧的了. (警告——不要指望你写的每封信都能得到回复. The you-write-one, 大学生并不总是遵循“写一个”的顺序, so get set for some unanswered correspondence.)

College freshmen are cool (or so they think) 和 have a tendency to resent interference with their newfound lifestyle, 但 most still desire the security of knowing that someone is still interested in them.

Parental curiosity can be obnoxious 和 alienating or relief giving 和 supportive depending on the attitudes of the persons involved. "I have a right to know" tinged questions, with ulterior motives or the nag should be avoided. 然而, honest inquiries 和 other "between friends" communication 和 discussion will do much to further the parent-freshman relationship.

你的学生会在最初的几个月里发生巨大的变化, 在四年多的时间里，或者介于这两者之间。). 这是自然的，不可避免的，它可以是鼓舞人心的和美丽的. Often, it's a 疼痛 in the neck.

大学和与之相关的经历可以影响社会的变化, 职业, 和 personal behavior choices. 一个时髦的壁花可能会成为兄弟会的甜心, 一个医学预科生可能会发现她根本不喜欢生物学, 或者一个高中激进分子可能成为大学的书呆子. You can't stop change. You may not ever underst和 it, 但这是在你的能力范围内(对你和你的学生有利)接受它.

Remember that your freshman will be basically the same person that you sent away to school, 除了兴趣的改变和性格的改变. Don't expect too much, too soon. 成熟不是一个瞬间或一夜之间的过程, 和 you might well discover your freshman returning home with some of the habits 和 hang-ups, however unsophisticated, that you thought he/she had grown out of. 要有耐心.

Starting college is so activity packed 和 friend jammed that it's often difficult to find time to study. When those precious moments are found, it is important that interruptions be few 和 far between. 没有什么比在一个高效的学习过程中更令人沮丧的了, 不会很快被别人打断，让你去倒垃圾. All of your studying is immediately thrown off. It's probably best is the 学生 is familiarized or forewarned of the assigned chores. 因此，希望在学习之前或完成后完成.

Finding oneself is a difficult enough process without feeling that the people whose opinions you respect most are second-guessing your own second-guessing.

One of the most important things my Mom ever wrote me in my four years of college was this: "I love you 和 want for you all the things that make you happiest; 和 I guess you, 不是我, 是最了解这些东西的人吗." She wrote that during my senior year. 如果你很聪明，你就会相信它，认真对待它，现在就说出来.

为人父母是一项吃力不讨好的工作，尤其是在大学期间. It's a lot of give 和 only a little take.

通常情况下，当大一新生遇到太多麻烦(考试不及格)时, 结束的恋情和缩水的t恤都在一天之内)唯一可以求助的地方, write or dial is home. 不幸的是, 这通常是唯一一次强烈地感受到交流的冲动, so you never get to hear about the "A" paper, the new boyfriend, or domestic triumph.

在这些危机时刻，你的学生可以卸下烦恼或眼泪和, after the catharsis, return to routine, relieved 和 lightened, while you inherit the burden or worry.

要有耐心 with those nothing-is-going-right-I-hate-this-place phone calls or letters. You're providing a real service as an advice dispenser, sympathetic ear, or punching bag. Granted, it's a service that makes you feel lousy, 但 it works wonders for a frustrated 学生.

访问s by 父母 (especially when accompanied by shopping sprees 和/or dinners out) are another part of the first-year events that freshmen are reluctant to admit liking, 但 would appreciate greatly. 请注意... 假装对这些拜访不屑一顾只是一年级综合症的另一种表现.

These visits give the 学生 a chance to introduce some of the important people in both of his/her now important worlds (home 和 school) to each other. 另外, 这是父母熟悉(和)孩子的一种方式, 希望, 对学生的新活动有更多的了解, 承诺, 和朋友. 一时兴起的惊喜通常是不受欢迎的. (Preemption of a planned weekend of studying or other activities can have disastrous results). It's usually best to wait for a pre-planned weekend to see your 学生 和 the school; that way you may even get to see a clean room. 当你来访时，记得尊重学生的隐私. Don't go through their closets, 抽屉, or refrigerators; don't turn on their answering machines to listen to their messages.

大一(以及其他三年)可能充满了优柔寡断, 不安全感, 失望, 和, 最重要的是, 错误. They're also full of 发现, 灵感, 好时光, 和人民, 但, except in retrospect, it's not the good that st和s out.

It took awhile (和 the help of some good friends) for me to realize that I was normal 和 that my afternoon movie/paperback novel perceptions of what college was all about were inaccurate. 我花了一段时间才接受不快乐, 害怕, 困惑, disliking people, 和 making 错误 (in other words, accepting me) were all part of the show, all part of this new reality, all part of growing up. 我父母花了一段时间才接受.

任何相信所有的大学生都能取得好成绩的父母, know what they want to major in, have activity-packed weekends, make thous和s of close friends, 和 lead carefree, worry-free lives is wrong. 那些认为受过大学教育就不会犯错的父母也是如此. 父母 that perpetuate 和 insist upon the best years stereotype are working against their child's already difficult self-development. Those that accept 和 underst和 the highs 和 lows of their 学生's reality are providing the support 和 encouragement where it's needed most.